A POEM I WROTE ANOTHER TRANSGENDER WOMAN
THE WRITING OF “A POEM I WROTE ANOTHER TRANSGENDER WOMAN
I wrote this poem as if I was talking to myself, my much younger self of many years ago. I speak to her; a life-long transgender woman in hiding from all, to tell her that she will be okay, and that I will be okay. My earlier me had to hide to survive, had to sneak around to capture rare moments of my “Happy-Girl-Dance”, and had to play the man expected of me. My current me is “Out & Proud” as a public transgender-woman; I no longer hide the girl that was always inside, I still reserve my “Happy-Girl-Dance” for me alone, but I no longer play the man.
I look back and see all the restrictions on my behaviors, all the things I could not say or talk about, and the clothes and the joy I would purge after a three-day splurge. It was really hard to never reach out and touch someone softly, to share a sadness crying with another man It was really hard to never share whom I really was, to never tell another man I loved them; but I did, and they never talked to me again. I would purchase and wear girl’s clothes for a day or two, and then in fear throw them all away; and not just any “away”, but in a dumpster from my home so no link to me would exist. I lived a life of wanting to be someone else, to be somewhere else, and to act so differently then allowed.
I look now at whom I am, and I finally see the real me finally coming out. I started transitioning late in my 67th year of life. I still can see a future me, I am eternally optimistic in that, but I also see that restrictions still exist. I was 70 years old when I wrote this poem, and my joy in finally being me was blunted by the realization that most of that youthful dream was still lost to me. I was told that most men wouldn’t date a transgender woman, and especially a 70+ years old one. I was told that I was dressing WHY TOO young. I was told to be afraid of certain communities of HATE, to include all of Florida.
I have very little left to do. I am now 73, and age associated restrictions are slowly becoming apparent. All those wants and desires still reside in my heart, and I will accept what ever little piece of them that comes along. The vast majority of my happiness is just being allowed to be a “GIRL”. I run around my home town for 5 years now; dressed in a too short skirt in warm weather, a long flowing dress for special events, and blouses that accentuate my DD & firm breasts. Oddly enough; I love wearing tight pants that clearly show the very smooth crotch where there is no room for “Boy-Junk” in this trunk.
So, I wrote this poem
A POEM I WROTE ANOTHER TRANSGENDER WOMAN
I hope you are experiencing something special
You are now you
For a year now
I float in a sea
Of the future Lukcia
Oh
I am sure you did to
Slowly…softly
Flow into you
Rest
Then rest
There will be enough time to
Push the quest
I love you…
Ah.h.h
I am where you were
But for me it was thirty years ago
Think soft thoughts now
Don’t think about the courage
That got you here
Think
Think
About the pillow talk
You might do now
You are not my daughter
You are my Grand-Daughter
Could I love you…
Girl…I already love you
You help me
Help me be advanced me
I learn my future me
Sitting next to you
You next to me
I am a girl now
But even as a man
I see you as a young lady
Not the fodder of man
My heart screams out
Oh, please girl
Careful be
I am at the end of my path
Finally: positive influence
But it won’t last
It’s sad: so softly…softly
Listen to me…
Don’t listen to me
A thousand me’s
Will confront you
Follow me, Follow me
Don’t follow you
I am an old lady now
I would be sent to slaughter
If I were a cow
I appreciate your friendship
I love to hold your hand
I am no longer young enough
To be younger yet
I can’t fake a future
You will never get
Spend time with me
Take care of yourself