I AM A GIRL NOW
The writing of “I AM A GIRL NOW”
I became a transgender-woman over a period of several years. I started Hormone Replacement Therapy within a few months of seeking medical support in the treatment of gender dysphoria. I also had a hour long psychologist session every week for two years. Multiple gender affirming surgeries followed, with my bottom surgery on 10 May 2022, two years into transition.
There was so much apprehension and fear associated with early transition. This was a period of time when most of the inevitable rejection by friends and foe alike. I truly felt like I was becoming a girl, and often wondered at what point would I have become. Four years in to hormone replacement therapy, and two years after my bottom surgery, I finally declared to myself: I AM A GIRL NOW. I was no longer becoming.
I AM A GIRL NOW
I am a girl now
I say that so many times in my mind
I tell a few almost as to explain
A very close friend that has supported me, told me; “I still don’t understand”
I understand
I understand that not understanding; really is the healthy norm
I am a girl now
It’s that simple
I always wanted to be a girl, I never truly knew why
I didn’t want to be a guy
So much of the girl I wanted to be, is long gone and out of my reach
But I never wanted to be a guy
Unwanted possibilities of “he” frustrated me
Impossible needs challenged my soul
I am a girl now
The impossible came to be
So many things had to pass
My father had to pass, lest he kill me
Time had to pass, my career had to pass, my marriage had to pass
Dependence on others had to pass
I am a girl now
Ultimately, I rely on only me
Others ask: “Why did you have to be a girl?”
Simple
So, I could be a girl
No more
Unfortunately, slightly less
I am a girl now
I have a freedom many real-girls don’t know they have
I get to design the girl to be, the girl to be me
I am a girl now
The life and times of a transgender-woman
After transition
Every morning, I wake up with a chance
To do it right, or do it wrong
I am a girl now